Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
