Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
