took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
