I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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