I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
