Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
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Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
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Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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