when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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