dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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