apparently the secret to your success is patron
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
