At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
