She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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