well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
