Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
