Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
