After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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