I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm getting married
To pizza
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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