I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
