you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
