Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
