we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.