i just made my gag reflex go away.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
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Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
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Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought