Texts From Last Night

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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Do you have a shampoo for semen

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Or a time machine

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  (604): Do you have a shampoo for semen (604): Or a time machine http://tfl.nu/n3wr
  Replies (29) Good night (930) Bad night (3444)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.

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  (267): i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said. http://tfl.nu/hb96
  Replies (58) Good night (6787) Bad night (613) Order T-Shirt
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  i dedicated my morning wood to you.

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  (708): i dedicated my morning wood to you. http://tfl.nu/nbc4
  Replies (17) Good night (5085) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you

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  (207): so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you http://tfl.nu/yn2g
  Replies (9) Good night (4382) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.

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  (814): We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad. http://tfl.nu/0kg4
  Replies (82) Good night (30070) Bad night (2152)
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  (+49): View more from Germany

  he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit

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  (+49): he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit http://tfl.nu/mxfj
  Replies (16) Good night (3096) Bad night (1628) Order T-Shirt
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse

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  (316): its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse http://tfl.nu/neow
  Replies (18) Good night (3379) Bad night (903) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.

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  (859): That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka. http://tfl.nu/6iko
  Replies (1) Good night (1402) Bad night (411) Order T-Shirt
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  (954): View more from Florida

  oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?

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  (954): oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied? http://tfl.nu/xnft
  Replies (22) Good night (1761) Bad night (1637) Order T-Shirt
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.

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  (229): Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now. http://tfl.nu/61qu
  Replies (8) Good night (1122) Bad night (421) Order T-Shirt
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.

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  (828): you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire. http://tfl.nu/efxs
  Replies (7) Good night (1338) Bad night (298) Order T-Shirt
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  (347): View more from New York

  Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.

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  (347): Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds. http://tfl.nu/v5xi
  Replies (10) Good night (755) Bad night (234) Order T-Shirt
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  (980): View more from North Carolina

  Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo

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  (980): Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo http://tfl.nu/82bd
  Replies (1) Good night (773) Bad night (246) Order T-Shirt
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.

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  (620): Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams. http://tfl.nu/9m3g
  Replies (7) Good night (1275) Bad night (376) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.

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  (519): i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them. http://tfl.nu/zpwg
  Replies (9) Good night (954) Bad night (217) Order T-Shirt

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