Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
When are your genitals available?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.