I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
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Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
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she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway