We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"