I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Four minutes until I can fart!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
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You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
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I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him