It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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