just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.