I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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