Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
