Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
