my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
