I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
