he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I wear drunk well.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
