$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
