I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just threw up on my dentist
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
