so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
