i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Randomize