He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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