just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
