So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
