i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
