is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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