I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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