I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
