I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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