They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i think i have herpe
just one?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
