There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
