life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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