It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
