I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
