party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
