I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
