I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
