he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
