Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
