dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
