so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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