He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
not ubering you a puppy
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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