kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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