I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
