your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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