Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
