Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
