She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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