He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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