We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
