I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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