I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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