Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I think my moral compass just broke
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
