did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
