Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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