how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
