no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
