i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
