ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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