That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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