piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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