I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
