So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
