She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
