I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
