He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
