you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just want nice things and good sex
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
