In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
