I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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